Re-write the draft you gave me today, based on what you learned in today’s class (see the points below). Save your file as “AW1 Essay2 Draft2 (Your Name)”. Send it to me by email, with the subject of the email being the same. Print it out and bring it to class next Friday to exchange with classmates.
Does your introductory paragraph contain a clear explanation of the problem (including WHY it is a problem)?
Does your introductory paragraph contain a complete thesis statement?
Does your essay contain claims + evidence + warrants?
Does your conclusion repeat and summarize the intro and the topic sentences of the body paragraphs? Remember: no new information in the conclusion!
Do your sentences follow logically from each other?
Have you replaced negative sentences (“not…”) with positive ones?
Have you avoided using “we” (you need to specify who “we” is, first)?
Have you avoided using “I” (your personal experience, though useful,, is not by itself sufficient; you need more objective evidence to support your argument)?
Today’s class
reading classmates’ essays (essay #2, draft #1)
textbook
p. 31 Conclusion (read the checklist)
p. 53 Practice 8
p. 57 Practice 9
p. 58-9 Practice 10
1-to-1 conferences about last week’s writing (introduction)
Write your first draft of essay #2 “Problem-solution”.
Type it, print it out and bring a copy to class next Friday. (I will collect your copy, so you need a copy of your own to work with for the following week.
Today’s class
What is the problem?
What is the consequence?
Why is it a problem?
Who is it a problem for?
All these questions need to be addressed in your essay, ideally in your introduction.
Why is this important? Because you need to be sure that what you think is a problem is based on facts, not “image”.
E.g. “There has been an increase in the number of accidents caused by elderly drivers.” Has there? Is that a fact, supported by statistics, or is it an impression caused by media attention?
Angel Bank by Mita Norifusa. “Don’t be tricked by the media. Don’t be misled by images.” Good advice, in any culture.
Model of Argument(ation) (The Toulmin model)
An argument =
(1) a claim (an opinion +
(2) “grounds”/evidence) +
(3) support (warrant).
(4) rebuttal
E.g. “Students have too much homework” (1 – claim). “The evidence is that many students sleep in class.” (2 – grounds/evidence). “People who work too hard may fall asleep even during the day and at inappropriate times or in inappropriate places.” (3- warrant = a general rule or principle). “However, some people might say that students might fall asleep from playing too hard or some other reason” (4 – rebuttal).
Write the introduction and conclusion for your essay #2 (problem-solution)
Be sure to include the problem and why it is a problem, e.g. state the consequences, as in the 2013 student essay which you can see here.
Remember, the conclusion should basically repeat the information in the introduction. No new information in the conclusion!
Write it by hand or type it, and bring it to class to show to classmates next Friday.
Today’s class
Freewriting: how was your week? Mine was pretty stressful and I was feeling tired all week, including today’s class. 🙁
Read the first two paragraphs (again) of Swift’s satirical essay “A Modest Proposal”.
Notice how he describes the problem, but does not explain the consequences (this is not an academic essay, so he does not have to!)
Write the introduction for your essay #2 (problem-solution).
In groups of 5-6, read each other’s writing and give feedback: is the problem (and consequences) clearly stated? Are you convinced it is a real problem?
Read the introduction of a problem-solution essay written by a 2013 AW1 student.
Write out the title and source information for the essay that you discussed in class today,
for the original essay
for the Japanese translation (if you used one)
using the MLA format and email it to me as an attachment by Wednesday midnight. Save the document as “AW1 Essay Citation Your Name” and use the same for the subject line of your email. Everything should be in Roman characters. No Chinese characters.
essay in a book: Last name, First name. “Title of Essay.” Title of Collection, edited by Editor’s Name(s), Publisher, Year, Page range of entry.
a translation, e.g.: Foucault, Michel. Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason. Translated by Richard Howard, Vintage-Random House, 1988.
A page on a web site: For an individual page on a Web site, list the author or alias if known, followed by an indication of the specific page or article being referenced. Usually, the title of the page or article appears in a header at the top of the page. Follow this with the information covered above for entire Web sites. If the publisher is the same as the website name, only list it once. E.g.:
If you have not already done so, please email me your Essay1 draft3 (final version) at your convenience, and by Friday June 7th.
Did you notice the sentence above starts with a subordinate clause, something I said to avoid. Can you see why I did this?
Find a good example of an English essay by either Francis Bacon or George Orwell and read it in either Japanese or in English or both.
Bring the original English version with you to class on June 7th to share with your classmates. You should be familiar with the contents and able to explain it to your classmates (in Japanese at least).
Announcement
I have prepared three collections of student Essay #1 which you can download from the links below:
(Coming soon: An uncorrected collection from this year’s (2019) AW1 class)
The essays in all 3 documents are anonymous and appear in the collection with students’ permission.
Today’s class
Academic writing guidelines:
English prefers active to passive verbs, e.g. “People think I am too old” instead of “I am thought to be too old”.
English prefers positive to negative, e.g.
“I had few opportunities to speak English” rather than “I did not have many opportunities to speak English.”
English prefers starting a sentence with the main clause rather than the subordinate clause, unless there is a reason to emphasize the subordinate clause, in which case it should go first. E.g., instead of “As a cram school teacher, it is important to tell what the life of the university is like” write “It is important for cram school teachers to know what life at university is like.”
Or “my English may not improve if I do not speak to English speakers” instead of “if I can’t speak to foreigners actively, my English will not improve”
English prefers verbs to nouns, e.g. “I will learn English” rather than “I will acquire knowledge of English”, or “I regret this” rather than “I feel regret”.
English prefers items that are closely connected be kept within the same sentence, e.g. “In Japan a university is where young people go after graduating high school, so I am considered an unusual student” is better than “In Japan, a university is a place where young people go after graduating high school. Therefore, I am an unusual student.”
English prefers to keep the subject the same from one sentence to another wherever possible.
Academics like
precision (using the correct word), e.g. “I will build confidence (to speak English)” instead of “I get confidence”. Academics avoid vagues and subjective words like “get”, “nice” or “great”.
accuracy, e.g. “Japanese school education is mainly aimed at helping students pass entrance examinations” instead of “Japanese school education is mainly aimed at passing entrance examinations”, because “education” does not take or pass exams, only people do that.
Improve this sentence: “break time with companions of my part-time job is very valuable for me because it improves my communication skill”.
and they do not like ambiguity (e.g. words which can have more than one meaning, or have subjective meaning), such as “get, nice, great”, etc.
conciseness. E.g. “Japanese school education” is considered preferable to “the contents of education at school in Japan.”
the contents of education at school in Japan are mainly aimed at passing entrance examinations –> ?
to be careful – they avoid saying “always”, “never” or “all”, but prefer to be cautious and say “most” or “probably” or “hardly ever”, etc. This is called hedging.
Feeling and sensation are very important in Japanese culture, but academic writing is about objective facts and logic. Sentences like “I want to feel foreign culture” or “I felt cultural differences” do not belong in academic essays. Differences which involve judgment cannot be felt, they are apprehended by the mind. Say instead, “I experienced / learned / discovered / noticed cultural differences.”
Dragon Zakura episode 6: the English competition. What did you learn about writing or learning English from watching this episode?
For Friday May 31st – after receiving and reading the instructor’s corrections to your draft #2, rewrite it, title it “AW1 Essay1 Draft3 (Your Name)” and send it by email to me by Friday May 31st, or as soon as convenient.
Your email subject line should be the same as the title of your document.
For June 7th – find a good example of an English essay by either Francis Bacon or George Orwell and read it in either Japanese or in English.
Bring the original English version with you to class on June 7th to share with your classmates. You should be familiar with the contents and able to explain it to your classmates (in Japanese at least).
Today’s class
If you were absent today, read the following and do the textbook exercises.
Your instructor will correct your essays from now on using a software computer program. The software will highlight parts of your essay and provide some comment or suggestions for improvement. The instructor will send you two files: one file in RTF format which will open automatically in your word-processing software (e.g. MSWord or Pages) and another file in HTML format which will open automatically in your browser. The content of both files will be the same: your corrected essay.
You can see a corrected essay written by an AW1 student from several years ago, here.
Textbook p. 21 A, p. 22 Practice 4, Practice 5 (answers on looseleaf), p. 23 C, p. 25 Practice 8 (answers on looseleaf), p. 26 E, p. 27 Practice 9, “Because and Therefore”.
following the instructions, create your own template and save it on your computer (or on a USB drive if you are using a public or university computer).
Write draft #2 of your essay #1 (the one about your big decision, not the one about “What is an essay?”).
If possible, use your new MLA template. That’s what it’s for!
Email it to me by Monday midnight. No need to print it out or to bring it to class. Just email it to me.
Today’s class
Academic writing rules and conventions:
Academic writing is not “expressive” writing: the purpose is not for you to express your opinion. It should be fact-based, not opinion-based.
Use A4 paper
Double-spaced
Use indent style not block style (with a nice big indent; don’t be shy!)
Leave no blank lines between paragraphs
Avoid non-academic language (conversational English, contractions like “don’t”, “isn’t”, etc.)
Don’t begin new sentences with “And”, “But” or “Because” but instead keep them as part of the same sentence.
One paragraph, one topic. New topic, new paragraphs. Keep sentences about the same topic together.
Don’t use “we” without first defining who the subject (“we”) is. “We” is a pronoun: it is supposed to replace a noun previously referred to.
After re-reading the introduction and conclusion of the model essay in the textbook (pages 15-16), re-write your introduction (or conclusion, as per instructions).
What do you think the following three principles mean?
TANSTAAFL (“There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch”)
Write a paragraph (300-500 words) about what is an essay.
research the meaning and history of the English word “essay” (like I researched the meaning and history of the word “academic”) (this will be part of the answer to the questions
“what is an essay?”
“when” did essay writing start (in the West)?
research and give the names of 1 or 2 famous Western essay writers (“who?”)
give 1 or 2 examples of famous English (or Western) essays.
in English, water is qualified as “hot water” or “cold water”, whereas in Japanese they are given two completely different names.
water does not change its identity (H2O) when its temperature changes.
Below 0 degrees it does change its nature, from a liquid to a solid, therefore it is given a different name (ice)
Above 100 degrees it does change its nature, from a liquid to a gas, therefore it is given a different name (steam).
in English, the concept “brother” is qualified as “older brother” or “younger brother”, whereas in Japanese these concepts are given completely different names.
In English, therefore, the essential concept is of brother, a male blood-relative; whether older or younger is a secondary qualifier, which does not change the essential identity.
In Japanese, the names are different, suggesting perhaps that Japanese people think of “older brother” and “younger brother” as two quite different identities.
Straw man argument: this is often used in propaganda so it is useful to be aware of it. Avoid using it yourself in academic writing. Here is the more complete explanation on Japanese Wikipedia: https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/ストローマン
Explain why you do or did something important in your life, e.g. why you decide to come to KPU, why you joined a club, why you started to do a part-time job, why you went abroad, etc.
Remember: you are writing for university-educated English-speaking readers who may not be familiar with details of Japan and Japanese culture, so you need to explain not only your reasons but also your values – what is important to you and why.
Today’s class
Thinking academically
Ask questions before judging, writing or speaking
in order to get accurate information
(in addition to the wh- questions) cui bono?
Define your terms, e.g. what exactly is the meaning of business in the expression “mind your own business”
Categorize: what is “obon”? – It’s a Japanese religious festival. What is “kama-meshi”? – It’s a rice dish in which various ingredients are added to the rice and then they are all cooked together in a pot.
Refute the argument
E.g. “I disagree with Sakuragi because many people who do not graduate from university also contribute to society.” – This is true, but it does not refute Sakuragi’s argument because Sakuragi did not say only university graduates contribute. The writer is not responding to what Sakuragi actually said, but from what the writer assumed Sakuragi intended.
Free writing:
Why do people take off their shoes before entering a Japanese house or home?
Why do so many people visit shrines or temples at New Year, even though they are not religious?
Why do many people in Japan bow even in their cars or on the phone?
Suggestions for learning about Western principles:
The story of Genesis in the Bible, especially the events in the Garden of Eden
The ten commandments (in the Bible, in the book “Exodus”)
