In groups of 4-5, exchange your draft #2, read and comment.
Some general points:
show the relationship between ideas. Why do schools require young people to write essays?
To train the young mind to organize their thinking, to think more logically and abstractly, to learn to base their opinion on objective facts and evidence
The written essay shows the instructor the strengths and weaknesses of a student’s thinking.
don’t use your personal opinion as an argument: arguments should be supported by objective evidence. A personal opinion is not an argument.
don’t be vague. Some Japanese expressions sound coy in English, e.g. “People should think more seriously about X” when the person really means “People should stop doing X”.
Use positive rather than negative expressions at the beginning of a sentence. E.g. instead of “Not only… but also”, use “In addition to…” or “as well as…”
Worksheet: download it here[wpdm_package id=1784 template=”link-template-calltoaction3.php”]
Choose ONE topic for your persuasive essay. This can be one of the two topics you used for last week’s homework, or a different topic (if you want to choose something NOT on the list in the textbook, email me first).
Start writing your essay: at least write the 3 body paragraphs with topic sentences. Type or write it, and bring it to class next week.
Today’s class
Group discussions of homework (2 persuasive essay topics’ arguments and counter-arguments)
How to persuade people?
Aristotle identified three basic ways:
Logos – appeal to reason (e.g. explaining advantages and disadvantages)
ethos – appeal to morality (e.g. appeal to justice, to doing good or doing the right thing)
pathos – appeal to emotion (e.g. using fear, greed, passion, desire)
Aristotle thought good (effective) speakers should use whichever would be most effective, depending on their audience.
However, generally speaking, for academic writing, use #1.
Argument = opinion + evidence + support /explanation
Opinion = claim (often using words like “should” or “should not”, “good” or “bad”, etc)
evidence = evidence to support the claim (also called “grounds” or “data”)
support/explanation = warrant. The warrant is often a general rule or principle about how the world works.
“An author usually will not bother to explain the warrant because it is too obvious. It is usually an assumption or a generalization. However, the author must make sure the warrant is clear because the reader must understand the author’s assumptions and why the author assumes these opinions.” (Wikipedia)
counter-argument (also called “rebuttal”)
Often introduced by “However”, “Some people say that…” or similar phrase.
Practice writing warrants for these sample arguments:
Claim 1 – “The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo are a good idea”
Evidence 1 – “because the economy will develop”.
Warrant 1 –
Claim 2 – “The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo are not a good idea”
Evidence 2 – “because Japan will become unsafe”
Warrant 2 –
Evidence 2a – “because there will be a risk of terrorism”
Warrant 2a –
Claim 3 – “Nuclear power is good”
Evidence 3 – because of a positive effect on the economy”
Choose 2 topics from the list on p. 95 (change #4 to “2020 Tokyo Olympics”)
write 2 or 3 arguments FOR and AGAINST the topic (you may need to do a bit of research). You are not just expressing YOUR opinion, but also what OTHER people think about this topic.
Bring to class next week.
Today’s class
Body paragraph 1: compare the student originals and Sheffner’s rewrites. What changes did he make and why? Discuss in small groups. Download today’s handout here.
Typical rewrite reasons:
colloquial (= non-academic) language –> academic (formal, scientific) language. E.g. don’t –> do not, get better –> improve, get –> buy/purchase, even so –> nonetheless/however, so –> therefore, etc.
avoid repetition (e.g. replace nouns with pronouns). AVOID USING “WE”.
less is more (generally speaking), e.g. 3 words are better than 6. E.g. clothes we buy for every day –> everyday clothes, school uniform that public junior high school students wore –> public junior high school uniforms, etc.
detail in the wrong place – details do not belong in the introductory paragraph but in the body paragraphs. E.g. According to Mainichi Shimbun on February 14 in 2018, Taimei elementary school in Tokyo decided to use school uniforms designed by Italian luxury brand “Armani” –> According to a 2018 newspaper article, a Tokyo school decided to use uniforms designed by a luxury brand.
expand to make a point clearer – sometimes less is NOT more. Sometimes, arguments need to be explained explicitly (especially warrants; more on this later). E.g., we cannot contact with them –> they may not know who or how to contact them.
Read the sample essay in the textbook pp 91-2. We will answer questions about this essay in class next week. Be prepared.
Today’s class
Textbook for this semester is the same: Writers at Work – The Essay. We will use chapters 4-6.
To pass the course, you must write and hand in by the deadline THREE essays of a satisfactory quality.
Checklist for introductory paragraphs + sample paragraphs from previous years.
read the student introductory paragraphs and evaluate them using the 4-point checklist . If you attended this class, you received everything on a single handout. If not, you can download them as two separate handouts below:
(download the student introductory paragraphs here)
Here’s the checklist:
The title should clearly state the content and author’s position.
Good example – “School Uniforms are Necessary”
Not so good example – “Take it for Free?”
Avoid rhetorical questions: “a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer.”
Introductory paragraph must contain a thesis statement.
Detailed information belongs in the body paragraphs, not the introduction. The introduction is to introduce the topic (the problem, the matter being discussed in the essay) and the author’s position on it.
DIscuss in groups.
Textbook p. 94 D, p. 96 Practice 3, p. 98 D, p. 99 E.
Choose a topic for your “compare-contrast” essay (essay #3) from the list on p. 72 (“Your Turn”).
Write your first draft, save it as “AW1 Essay3 Draft1 (YourFamilyName).docx” and email it to me by Friday noon 12:00.
Bring a hard copy to class to share with your classmates.
Today’s class
Exchange your “Problem-solution” essay with a classmate and use the “Peer Review Form” on p. 55 of the textbook.
Read the section on “hedging” on p. 59,
Textbook p. 61-2 Practice 12 and 13.
Textbook p. 63 Practice 14 and 15
Textbook p. 65 C
English prefers the order main clause + subordinate clause.
This may be different from Japanese.
In English, the phrase that comes at the end of the sentence gets more emphasis, so put the one you want to emphasize at the end.
E.g. “Our family eats beef every day but on Fridays, we eat fish.”
Compare with, “We eat fish on Fridays.” I.e. not on any other day.
The reason for the comma after the subordinate clause when you put it at the beginning of the sentence is that it shows this is not the subject of the main clause, which usually comes first (S+V+C).
E.g. “On Fridays, we have Academic Writing.”
The subject is “we”, but it comes in second place.
Chapter 3, p. 69 – read the sample essay “Friends.com”.
Textbook p. 70, C
Choose a topic and make an outline like the one on p. 78. You can also use the Venn diagrams on pp 73, 74 and 77 to make an outline.
Re-write the draft you gave me today, based on what you learned in today’s class (see the points below). Save your file as “AW1 Essay2 Draft2 (Your Name)”. Send it to me by email, with the subject of the email being the same. Print it out and bring it to class next Friday to exchange with classmates.
Does your introductory paragraph contain a clear explanation of the problem (including WHY it is a problem)?
Does your introductory paragraph contain a complete thesis statement?
Does your essay contain claims + evidence + warrants?
Does your conclusion repeat and summarize the intro and the topic sentences of the body paragraphs? Remember: no new information in the conclusion!
Do your sentences follow logically from each other?
Have you replaced negative sentences (“not…”) with positive ones?
Have you avoided using “we” (you need to specify who “we” is, first)?
Have you avoided using “I” (your personal experience, though useful,, is not by itself sufficient; you need more objective evidence to support your argument)?
Today’s class
reading classmates’ essays (essay #2, draft #1)
textbook
p. 31 Conclusion (read the checklist)
p. 53 Practice 8
p. 57 Practice 9
p. 58-9 Practice 10
1-to-1 conferences about last week’s writing (introduction)
Write your first draft of essay #2 “Problem-solution”.
Type it, print it out and bring a copy to class next Friday. (I will collect your copy, so you need a copy of your own to work with for the following week.
Today’s class
What is the problem?
What is the consequence?
Why is it a problem?
Who is it a problem for?
All these questions need to be addressed in your essay, ideally in your introduction.
Why is this important? Because you need to be sure that what you think is a problem is based on facts, not “image”.
E.g. “There has been an increase in the number of accidents caused by elderly drivers.” Has there? Is that a fact, supported by statistics, or is it an impression caused by media attention?
Angel Bank by Mita Norifusa. “Don’t be tricked by the media. Don’t be misled by images.” Good advice, in any culture.
Model of Argument(ation) (The Toulmin model)
An argument =
(1) a claim (an opinion +
(2) “grounds”/evidence) +
(3) support (warrant).
(4) rebuttal
E.g. “Students have too much homework” (1 – claim). “The evidence is that many students sleep in class.” (2 – grounds/evidence). “People who work too hard may fall asleep even during the day and at inappropriate times or in inappropriate places.” (3- warrant = a general rule or principle). “However, some people might say that students might fall asleep from playing too hard or some other reason” (4 – rebuttal).
Write the introduction and conclusion for your essay #2 (problem-solution)
Be sure to include the problem and why it is a problem, e.g. state the consequences, as in the 2013 student essay which you can see here.
Remember, the conclusion should basically repeat the information in the introduction. No new information in the conclusion!
Write it by hand or type it, and bring it to class to show to classmates next Friday.
Today’s class
Freewriting: how was your week? Mine was pretty stressful and I was feeling tired all week, including today’s class. 🙁
Read the first two paragraphs (again) of Swift’s satirical essay “A Modest Proposal”.
Notice how he describes the problem, but does not explain the consequences (this is not an academic essay, so he does not have to!)
Write the introduction for your essay #2 (problem-solution).
In groups of 5-6, read each other’s writing and give feedback: is the problem (and consequences) clearly stated? Are you convinced it is a real problem?
Read the introduction of a problem-solution essay written by a 2013 AW1 student.
